Avoid the ‘I gave the best gift’ Competition
A coaching client recently told me, “I want to be the leader who lets her team shine. I want to confidently step back to give them the space and freedom to be celebrated for their accomplishments.”
She then tied this desire to a childhood memory that happened every Christmas in her home. She told me her two grandmas competed each year for the ‘You gave the best gift!’ prize. From her perspective, they each wanted the accolades they thought came with the ‘winning’ gift more than they wanted a peaceful, joy-filled holiday with their family. The experience is one my client still thinks of each December and one she never wants to replicate in her role as CMO of a mid-sized organization.
While it’s true that leadership often equates to visibility and influence, leaders who consistently seek attention risk overshadowing their team members and stifling collaboration. True leadership involves empowering others, fostering a culture of shared success, and stepping back to let the team shine.
3 Tips for Leaders to Keep the Focus on the Team
To avoid falling into the trap of being the center of attention, follow these three tips to keep the focus on your team.
- Practice Active Listening
Effective leaders understand that listening is just as important—if not more so—than speaking. Active listening involves fully concentrating on what team members are saying, rather than formulating responses or steering the conversation back to your own ideas. This practice not only validates the contributions of others but also fosters an environment where each team member feels valued and heard.
To develop active listening skills, make a conscious effort to ask open-ended questions that encourage dialogue. For example, instead of asking, “Does anyone have questions?” try, “What are your thoughts on this approach?” Additionally, practice reflective listening by summarizing what others have said before responding. This not only shows that you’re engaged but also clarifies any potential misunderstandings.
Active listening shifts the spotlight away from the leader and onto the team, promoting a collaborative atmosphere where everyone’s voice matters. - Celebrate Team Successes
Recognition is a powerful motivator, but it should always be a team-centered activity. When a project succeeds, resist the urge to highlight your own role. Instead, focus on acknowledging the contributions of individuals and groups within the team.
In meetings, take the time to call out specific achievements. For instance, “I want to thank Sarah for her innovative ideas during the brainstorming session and Mark for coordinating the project timeline so effectively.” This level of specificity shows genuine appreciation and reinforces that success is a collective effort.
Public recognition—whether in company newsletters, social media posts, or team meetings—also sets a precedent for a culture of shared credit. When leaders consistently celebrate team accomplishments, it encourages employees to do the same, fostering a supportive and cohesive work environment. - Share Decision-Making Power
Delegation is more than just a productivity tool; it’s a way to empower your team and distribute the responsibility for success. When leaders involve their teams in decision-making processes, they demonstrate trust and respect for their colleagues’ expertise.
Start by identifying decisions that can be collaborative. For example, instead of dictating project timelines, ask the team for their input on realistic deadlines. Not only does this help team members feel valued, but it also often leads to better outcomes as decisions benefit from diverse perspectives.
Delegating authority doesn’t mean relinquishing control. It means creating opportunities for growth. When team members feel ownership over their work, they’re more engaged and motivated, and the focus naturally shifts from the leader to the collective effort.
3 Tips for Team Members to Encourage Team Recognition
On the flip side of this ‘I should be the focal point’ predicament, team members who work for attention-seeking leaders face unique challenges. Navigating this dynamic requires tact, patience, and strategic communication to ensure recognition is happening regularly.
For team members who seek a more balanced distribution of recognition, follow these three tips.
- Redirect the Spotlight Gracefully
Working for an attention-seeking leader can be challenging, especially when their need for recognition overshadows the team’s contributions. However, you can subtly redirect the focus without confrontation.
During meetings or discussions, look for opportunities to highlight the contributions of your peers. For instance, if your leader dominates the conversation, interject with, “That’s a great point, and it builds on what [team member] mentioned earlier.” This not only shifts attention but also reinforces the collaborative nature of the team’s work.
It’s essential to approach this tactic with diplomacy. The goal is not to undermine your leader but to ensure that the team’s collective efforts are recognized and valued. - Document and Share Team Wins
Creating a culture of shared recognition often starts with documentation. If your team achieves a milestone, consider circulating a report or update that highlights individual and collective contributions. This doesn’t have to be formal—an email to the department or a brief presentation during a team meeting can suffice.
Well-documented successes serve as a record that speaks louder than any one individual. By consistently showcasing the team’s achievements, you create a narrative of collective success that’s hard to ignore.
If your leader is particularly attention-focused, sharing these updates can also provide them with a platform to celebrate the team, redirecting their attention-seeking tendencies in a positive direction. - Set Boundaries for Personal Growth
In an environment where a leader craves the spotlight, it’s easy for employees to feel overlooked. To ensure your contributions are recognized, take proactive steps to advocate for yourself.
Schedule regular one-on-one meetings with your leader to discuss your progress, ideas, and achievements. Frame these discussions around your contributions to the team’s goals. For example, “I wanted to share the results of the campaign I led last month. We exceeded our targets by 20%.”
Setting boundaries also means recognizing when to step back. Avoid engaging in competition for attention; instead, focus on your professional growth and the quality of your work. Over time, consistent performance and self-advocacy speak volumes.
Create an Environment Where Everyone Thrives
Effective leadership isn’t about being the center of attention. It’s about creating an environment where everyone can thrive. Leaders who practice active listening, celebrate team successes, and share decision-making power foster a culture of collaboration and respect.
For team members, navigating the dynamics of an attention-seeking leader requires tact, strategy, and self-advocacy. By redirecting the spotlight, documenting wins, and setting boundaries, you can ensure that your contributions are recognized and valued.
Ultimately, true leadership is about stepping back to let others shine—and when that happens, everyone wins.
